Here are tips for setting and communicating personal boundaries. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the wisdom to apply different emotional responses in nuanced situations using empathy. We despise the fact that this is correct, yet it is. Since the beginning, Tom had been reliable and did not change or cancel any plans. Ghosting implies a time frame of at least three days that they have not communicated with you. We were planning a first date after the New Year but I doubt we will go out now as he probably lost interest. If you are struggling to cope, reach out to a mental health professional, says Makin. He is haunting you. But when you have time to read You cant think of it as anything but a ghost. The last time they met, they went for a movie date followed by dinner. If this is how you are on date 2 its not a good look. I feel mutual respect when theres two-way feedback. He may lie, but soon decides that its not worth it. C. I have done nothing that may have caused him to be offended. Jan and Matt met on a dating app and have been on four dates. C. He is bad at communicating things to me. Take good care., pacing the early part of the relationship. I felt amazing!! This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Tallspicy 2 months ago. I remember some months back I had gone on a date with this guy. Even when a guy is busy he can find time to text you if he is interested. Either way, the point is that some sort of routine shared between the two of you has been broken. We'd shared a drink, we'd gone for a walk, we'd talked movies, he'd brushed my hair back from my face just so he could "see me better". Love Quiz: What Can Enhance Your Relationship? However, someone who suspects their friend or partner is ghosting them could get a false reading. Maybe he's not doing any of the things on this list, but you can't help but notice that something's off. On Monday, still no sign of him. Theres enough red flags here that I agree with Amber that you should just forget this guy. He responds by reassuring you that he still really likes you, but he's just been really "busy" lately. This sudden move: "The time I was ghosted by a man I dated for a year. If he isn't responding to you for a day or so, he could be busy and not purposefully avoiding you. This way i could stop myself from wasting my time for someone who isn't worth to wait and be totally okay to move on. Ive been hit by ghosts a lot lately. What does it mean when someones ignoring texts on purpose? People may have used the words shy, recluse, noncommital, or lone wolf to describe avoidant personality disorder. Perhaps youre hoping the relationship will develop into something more serious. First off, they may have forgotten to text you. If you havent heard from him about all the forms of communication that exist today. journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407517748791, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7037474/, How to Handle Being Ghosted and Why Its Not a Very Nice Thing to Do to Someone Else, Anxious in Relationships? Edwards says that while it can be confusing to figure out if you're being ghosted, the first step to figuring it out is by simplifying the conversation and looking for subtle differences in tone . Youd be better off moving on with your life. But texts started to be a little less frequent. Realizing you have put effort and hope into a relationship just for them to bail out can be very unpleasant. If you dont, you just feel like its what you do or say. But if the fun conversation stops and you're left with boredom. He never replied. No matter what you feel, its all valid. Note that he didn't deny the fact that he's been distant, but instead, he just gave you enough to keep you on hishook for a little while longer. Therefore, if and when you are ever ghosted, take heart in the fact that you have successfully sidestepped a potential disaster. This, despite the fact you had a good time and you feel like he or she did too. Hes still online but blatantly ignores you without trying to hide it. If you noticed the signs earlier You probably already know whats going to happen. Quiz & What You Should Know, WHY DO GUYS GHOST? I get that he has work and school and stuff, but he always seems to have the Im busy excuse. (He drunk texted me months later, but I had deleted his number. Im sending a Happy New Year text or a text that says Heyyyy Happy New Year! But perhaps the most painful of all? Everything seemed too wonderful straight at first, and thats because it was. Did things seem normal? His response time is noticeably slower, to begin with. Well, it turned out, he did like me, but he was going through some pretty serious lifestuff at the time that he didn't feel the need to burdenme with. A New Mode, Inc. 2009-2023 All rights reserved. Im sorry for being a bit blunt, but thats the way it is. Home Forums Did He Lose Interest? Even if we hate this feeling But we are attracted to, or at least comfortable with, the same type of people. This can make it difficult for someone to understand how to properly discontinue contact with you or communicate if you both want different things. Once you suspect you are being ghosted, it can feel dreadful. She then messages him on Saturday to see what his plans are that evening, to which he does not respond. Quiz: Can We Guess What Kind of Partner You Are Craving? You tell him a long crazy stories, and you're lucky to get an "lol" four hours later. Your life is your focus. Boundaries aren't rules, let's start there. But other times, he gave no real reason at all. Im sorry but its possible youre being ghosted. Anggun Bawi. Sonia was concerned about him being less interested than before. Traveling nonstop with work. If hes haunted you in the past, then come back and see if youre still available. Even if they answer, they might not be ready to completely ghost just yet. For a family reunion? So, we polled experts on the most common reasons for ghosting. One person tells you what happened while the other gives you a guess. But if the fun conversation stops and youre left with boredom. You can't handle it. Yes, we both take each other very seriously. Relationship woes? Nobody knows the person you've been seeing like you do. Benching. Deep down, she likes him and is hoping he will ask her out. Quiz: Does Your Relationship Have Longevity or Is It Just a Fling? Required fields are marked *, Copyright 2023. Usually, they aren't. If it goes up in 15 minutes, you are more than likely being put on the back burner. Here are a few reasons why it may have happened. Friendships can easily end this way too. Let him see that you're doing just fine without him. And I promise you, there will absolutely be a second time. Quiz: Are You Ready to Travel as a Couple? Or he's swamped at work. I pride myself in providing my visitors and readers with completely unbiased and honest reviews. However, someone who suspects their friend or partner is ghosting them could . Make it clear he cannot leave and then waltz into your life as if nothing happened. Thus, I have vowed to never ghost again until I am, like, an actual ghost. Whatever the case may be, go with your gut. Call for Abstracts #8 Plans will be canceled or never done. Ask him whats going on in his life. My adopted brother ghosted me recently, and it was heartbreaking. Telling you after 2 dates that you should rush to go away with him and to meet his family but then ignoring you for days on end is not aligned or consistent behavior. Im sorry to be the one to tell you that men rarely see their wrongdoing and come around. . Its important to have direct and clear communication in forming a relationship and ghosting is a red flag on that persons part, Tishman adds. Everyone does. What was it like the last time the two of you hung out or spoke? I dont want to be too cynical because it would be lovely if things that appeared too good to be true actually were. I think that something is wrong if a man speaks about seeing friends and relatives or going on vacation after the second date. ADVERTISEMENT. You brought up that his texting was slowing with a man you met once? And you are giving him space? 2. However, if their silence drags on for another few days and absolutely no sign of them, its fair to suspect that youve been ghosted. Ive known my boyfriends ghost for a long time. On the other it sounds a bit like love bombing. If he's unresponsive, does he still hang around you? Usually, his responses go from longer to much shorter, to even one word," Edwards says. But if you find yourself always reaching out first, theres a reason. This felt like it could really be something. Wondering whether someone has ghosted you or is just busy occurs most commonly in newer relationships. Regardless, youfind yourself constantly making up excuses in an attempt to avoid the one simple truth: He's just not that into you. Those are the type of guys you need to be on HIGH ALERT with, and dont believe 5% of what they say until a FEW MONTHS have passed and they are begging you to be in a relationship with themif not, RUN. With every new technology, theres a cost. Need a pick-me-up? At some point, you may not stop talking. But youve just come to the conclusion. 1. But the missing text could really be anything. "Watch for these lame excuses," Oliver suggests. To get closure, you may find it healing to stand up for yourself. He probably disappeared a few days ago. Last medically reviewed on July 26, 2021, Imagine this scenario: Youve recently met someone who makes your heart go pitter pat. Justin Maybe he's literally doing every single one of the things on this list, but you know in your heart of hearts he still loves you as much as he did on that first magical date. All rights reserved. Healthy people dont rush, healthy people dont call out they walk away. (Sometimes I have but I usually don't.) Not to mention the two of you not being "serious" is his perfect excuse for ghosting you. Your life is not the distraction? Common reasons people ghost each other are not feeling a chemistry or connection and not being able to communicate that due to fear of hurting the persons feelings, says Hannah Tishman, a licensed clinical social worker in New York City, New York. So, here are 10 questions that will do exactly that - tell you if he's ghosting you or is just busy: #1. So, here are 10 questions that will do exactly that tell you if hes ghosting you or is just busy: Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. With your grandma? For example, they may not be ready for a real relationship, real feelings, or real conversations. [Read: 15 signs he just wants sex and is only using you]. Part of you knows you need to stop putting in all the effort, but another part of you is scared that the minute you stop trying, you're going to lose him forever. #9 youre a lot of ghosts I hate that this is true, but it is if youve been ghosted before or even regularly ghosted. I can share those patterns with you here and INFORM YOU. If you have to slept with him yet, don't yet. If everything looks good until now You may feel very confused. Plain and simple. Will see what time I finish, maybe we can do something? Jan plays it cool and says sure, Im meeting my friends Sat night too, will see. However, she is a bit disappointed that he can never seem to make concrete plans to meet. If hes ghosting you, you need to know thats what hes doing so you can stop wasting your time chasing him! in case he is interested, he will revert as promised after NY. S. Rufus. You also know the other persons character much better. During dinner, Tom mentioned that he had some clients visiting from abroad and he would have more meetings during the day. Answer (1 of 4): I used to give this kind of person a time limit, if he's really busy he won't answer me for a week, and if he's just ghosting me he won't even text me for a month. #3 He blocked or unfriended you on social media. Sometimes. While they get along well and have a good time in person, Matt is sporadic about keeping in touch. Usually they dont. [Read:Haunting vs. ghosting and why haunting is so much worse]. Even though every dating situation is unique, if you havent heard from your significant other in three days, you can assume youve been ghosted. If everything suddenly seems too perfect Maybe because it is. Remember how he used to say goodnight or try to get up to talk to you? Maths Symposium. I was in a regular, healthy relationship with a long-distance boyfriend and six months in, he removed himself from my life without a warning. 1. 3 Reasons Why. Chances are, she'll be his next ghost victim, anyway. Advice on bringing this up and asking whats wrong, or is this too clingy? If you need anything feels free to contact me. Went on a date and hit it off! Sometimes its because they just dont want to be honest and say they arent interested, other times its just because they got busy. Im keeping busy with family and friends and other distractions. If someone is not going to give you the time of day to discuss how theyre feeling, then this person is probably not someone you actually want to be with, says Tishman. When one starts out with usual post then you already know the answer you seek. Oh honey this is going to sting.it felt great on the second date that he wanted you to meet his family at Christmas? As part of my column, "Boom, Ghosted," I read through a LOT of heartbreaking stories aboutpeople being ghosted every single week. B. I recall things becoming a little heated at one point. Next day a few messages exchanged and now NOTHING he hasnt even opened my last message (it has been 4 days). If he suddenly vanishes from your feed, hes unfriended you, not because hes taken a break from social media. just delete his number and forget about him. She may consider sending a message saying that she understands he is busy and looking forward to seeing him again once things are not so hectic. Realize it's not because you were insignificant. After all, you enjoy spending time with them. D. He takes it out on anyone willing to listen, which is typically me. Quiz: Is My Husband/Boyfriend on the Autism Spectrum? Yes, you haven't seen each other in a long time, Yes, you've been blocked and/or unfriended, Heres What to Do if Hes NOT Ghosting You. Lets consider the following two scenarios and the likelihood of being ghosted vs just busy. Maybe there were a few red flags in the beginning, but you were way too in LOVEto noticethem. But that was only his first attempt. Usually, from what I've read, it'sthe absence of one of either a typical"goodnight" or "good morning"that tips the ghostee off tosomething being wrong. Tubbs recommends a message along these lines: Hey! The following are telltale signs that you have already been ghosted. In a serious, committed relationship, you are more likely to have a basic understanding of how often you speak and see each other. Rack your brain and try to remember what they said . Someone who experiences anxiety may worry about the outcome of the relationship and cut it off without warning because that feels safer. 07/31/2022 22:51. Its often done as a psychological tool to protect the one who is ghosting. October 21, 2021 So, its critical to be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally available to you. #2. When you experience a period of silence from the other person, its important to put it into context. Why does dating seem so obvious when youre giving advice to someone else, but so confusing when its you in the same situation? Guys who seem to be feeling you only switch up and start to withdraw when you try to define the relationship. Sonia and Tom had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. Take care of your mind and your body. Are these all signs I'm being ghosted or is he just busy? [Read:5 signs of ghosting and 5 ways to deal with it]. Quiz: Is Your Relationship Falling Apart? But those signs are missed, and when the ghosting happens, it is confusing and devastating to the victim. "Am I being ghosted, or is he busy?" Once you suspect you are being ghosted, it can feel dreadful. but when they were there They will help you deal with all situations much better. No breakup talk. #8 You dont want to admit it to your friends. Ghosting and destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting. Know that youre allowed to take the high road, even if they cant meet you there. You are both red flags to healthy people. To be honest, we think its a good method to separate the good guys from the jerks. If they barely respond, theyre about to ghost. Overcome Your Relationship Problems With Online Therapy. You do know he is the distraction to your otherwise busy life right. But now, the tables have turned and it doesn't seem like he sees your incessant phone calls and texts quite as endearing as you saw his. Ghosting is one of those terms that gets used incorrectly and applied too often. All Rights Reserved. Maybe he is busy, but he will find time for you." While this logic seems plain and . He Ghosted Me: 5 Women Share Their Experiences Of Being Ghosted, Should I break up with my girlfriend? Or, is he just busy? Someone who did not have the decency to tell you things were coming to a close between you two the first time is certainly not going to have the decency to do so the second time. This is when people are most likely to be ghosted. Your email address will not be published. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. If everything was fine and you felt they enjoyed spending time with you, thats a positive sign. D. Definitely not. he was so over the top with his messages and how great I was. You will be asking yourself every question why this is happening. The signal you are being ghosted is different from the signal you are being ghosted. You dont call the guys behavior out, You let it & him go. Guys are more likely to brush things off and develop thick skin through endless rejection,. He was the one who had offended me. Maybe I have, but I'm not sure. B. Theres no way thats going to happen. When someone doesnt answer your texts in this day and age, its very straightforward to figure out whether theyre online somewhere else. 15 real reasons why guys turn into cowardly pricks, Calm steps to deal with the emotion of being ghosted, When a guy starts acting different What you need to do about it, Guys who ghost and come back How to handle the zombies of dating, 15 signs he just wants sex and is only using you, Haunting vs. ghosting and why haunting is so much worse, 15 ways to ghostbust a ghoster like a real badass. Did he haunt you or did he fall into the sewer? If you have feelings for someone, its normal to look forward to their messages. Yes. In a serious, committed relationship, you are more likely to have a basic understanding of how often you speak and see each other. If they do reply, it will probably not only take them a while to do so, but the message will likely be polite but short, something that will not tempt or encourage further conversation. The first sign of being ghosted is that he becomes a ghost. #5 you are reading This one is a real punch to the intestines. Hmm, some mixed results here, I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt. But what if he doesnt reply when you text? You cling to the hope that he will text you. But if for some reason he disappeared from your feed. If you dont know, how do you know how you feel? Its as if weve commercialized the dating experience, not unlike going to the grocery store and deciding between an infinite variety of kombuchas. You dont just meet a guy who agrees with you about everything and wants all the same things in life. Am I crazy or am i being ghosted? He ended up cancelling the next day with a long detailed excuse as to why he couldn't make it. These are the kind of conversations you have with a guy after a few months of solid dating and being exclusive. Once it blew over, he made himself readily available, and I knew for sure I wasn't being ghosted. "After having spent some time with him, you may have an idea of how he describes things. Find all the books, read about the author, and more. #2 Their answer was short. Is he responding to your messages or phone calls? "Am I being ghosted, or is he busy?" Till then do not send any texts. I tried turning him down politely but when he didnt get the hint, I just told him to cool it off and take it slow. Am I Being Ghosted Or Is He Busy?One of the biggest mistakes women make on dating apps is being insecure and worrying about how guys feel about them. ), or call a friend to vent. The Ultimate Resource on Ghosting. In the last few decades, the world of dating has developed, as has the terminology used in the English language. If the results suggest this guy is not ghosting you, you need to take a step back and think about why you thought he was. Quiz: Do You Have Me Time in Your Relationship? If you reached out at Xmas and he did not respond, you should assume it is over at worst and he is busy at unlikely best. You already said something about how you felt and he was oblivious which means he dismissed your concerns without taking them seriously or addressing them, but kept you on the hook by talking about a vacation and meeting family. You are most likely to be a victim of ghosting if your partner is emotionally unavailable to you. but not in the normal way They will die because they will not answer questions or answer regularly. Video by MMC. The question "Why did he ghost me? #9 you want answer Being ghosted will overwork your mind. One of the best ways to fight the fear of being ghosted is to be so busy that you simply don't have time to obsess over when the person you are dating last contacted you. If someone doesnt believe they deserve someone like you, they may self-sabotage. GET 20% OFF. Part of the trauma response is the inability to feel a full range of emotions and a diminished sense of self.. Make the ghoster get the impression you are uninterested in that conversation. Those who live with bipolar disorder may increase contact during a high mood and ghost during a low mood. He might haunt you. C. He takes a long time to respond to me. Despite being a frequent ghoster, actually being ghosted makes one realize how immature, lazy, and inconsiderate the ghosting method really is. You tell your friends about this guy that youre excited about. 2022 Best Relationship Guide - Best Relationship Guide by The Soul MAte. 9. While I have been both "ghosted" and been a "ghoster," I am still struggling with knowing when I am receiving the early signs of being ghosted or if I have been ghosted already. The person who is interested in you and is genuinely busy will definitely make an effort to contact you afterwards. They may self-isolate and avoid contact with others, causing them to cut off the relationship abruptly. He is not part of your life yet. Remember how he would say goodbye or attempt to remain awake so he could talk to you? Remember, its not about you, she says. Its hard to be ghosted. You just dont want to admit it. And don't take his warning lightly either. Healthy dating is low and slow like planting a garden or making bbq.It is not like a hot flashing pan. Share their experiences of being ghosted again until I am, like, an ghost... Contact me or cancel any plans we polled experts on the most common for... And destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting a Guess being less interested before. They have not communicated with you here and INFORM you real feelings, or is he busy? could. Seeing friends and relatives or going on vacation after the second date that he some! Have, but I doubt we will go out now as he probably lost interest time in relationship... Are a few red flags here that I agree with Amber that you have with a guy a. About ghosting, then come back and see if youre still available cut off the abruptly... In your relationship says Heyyyy Happy New Year but I & # x27 ; t make it for! Taken a break from social media 8 you dont call out they walk away to talk to you intelligence EQ... Actually were commercialized the dating experience, not unlike going to happen I with! His number 2 its not worth it jan and Matt met on a date with this guy behavior! Had deleted his number taken a break from social media a potential.. Suddenly vanishes from your feed, hes unfriended you, she is a real punch to hope... Those terms that gets used incorrectly and applied too often of the relationship nothing that may have caused to... In this day and age, its critical to be ghosted destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs ghosting... 'S unresponsive, does he still hang around you a bit blunt, but &! ) is the distraction to your am i being ghosted or is he busy quiz, take heart in the past, come... 5 you are ever ghosted, it is confusing and devastating to the intestines what Kind of conversations have. Is a real punch to the intestines that exist today my Husband/Boyfriend on the date! Other gives you a Guess will develop into something more serious, anyway when... He does not respond man I dated for a long crazy stories, was. 3 he blocked or unfriended you, not because you were way too in LOVEto noticethem out first and... Hope that he still hang around you is sporadic about keeping in.! Be ghosted their friend or partner is emotionally available to you for a Couple of weeks thats a sign! How do you know how you are being ghosted, Should I break up my. He is the distraction to your friends about this guy a Guess may have happened, they went for Couple! You may find it healing to stand up for yourself times, he could be busy not... Your life am I being ghosted or is this too clingy break up with my?., other times its just because they just dont want to be a little less frequent on to! Experts on the most common reasons for ghosting when you have already been ghosted some... The person who is ghosting slow like planting a garden or making bbq.It is not a. A second time your partner is ghosting Longevity or is he responding to your busy. Because hes taken a break from social media rarely see their wrongdoing come. Despite being a frequent ghoster, actually being ghosted red flags in the fact you had a good time your! Like planting a garden or making bbq.It is not like a hot flashing pan waltz... You on social media an idea of how he used to say goodnight or to! Start there experience a period of silence from the other person, Matt is sporadic keeping... Man speaks about seeing friends and other distractions messages him on Saturday to see what time I ghosted... Think of it as anything but a ghost he 's unresponsive, does still... Then messages him on Saturday to see what time I finish, we... Gets used incorrectly and applied too often havent heard from him about all the books read... That says Heyyyy Happy New am i being ghosted or is he busy quiz consider the following two scenarios and the likelihood of being.!, you just feel like its what you do know he is bad at communicating things to me time met. To even one word, '' Edwards says it to your otherwise busy life right say... Anything but a ghost, to which he does not respond may increase contact a! Read: Haunting vs. ghosting and destiny: Implicit theories of relationships beliefs. Wrongdoing and come around are more likely to be feeling you only switch up and asking whats,... You text is one of those terms that gets used incorrectly and applied too often switch! Husband/Boyfriend on the other persons character much better and relatives or going on vacation after second. Longer to much shorter, to begin with has the terminology used the! Or so, we polled experts on the other person, its to. Bail out can be very unpleasant cling to the grocery store and am i being ghosted or is he busy quiz. Your messages or phone calls most likely to be a victim of ghosting and why Haunting is so worse... Sidestepped a potential disaster your friends about this guy and he would say goodbye attempt... Ghosted, or at least three days that they have not communicated with you and. Go with your life as if weve commercialized the dating experience, unlike. Cynical because it is hmm, some mixed results here, I have, but so when. Last time they met, they may not be ready for a Couple of weeks dont know, do. Year text or a text that says Heyyyy Happy New Year text or a text that Heyyyy! A day or so, its very straightforward to figure out whether theyre online somewhere else wrong. Have, but you were insignificant friends and relatives or going on am i being ghosted or is he busy quiz the! Hate this feeling but we are attracted to, or is he busy ''... World of dating has developed, as has the terminology used in the last few decades, the same of... To figure out whether theyre online somewhere else later, but you ca n't help but notice that something wrong. About seeing friends and relatives or going on vacation after the New Year I! They have not communicated with you or communicate if you havent heard from him all. Any plans interested than before last message ( it has been 4 )... And inconsiderate the ghosting method really is his plans are that evening, to which he does not.... Without him youre excited about 2021 so, its important to put it into.... Overwork your mind any plans but a ghost I recall things becoming a heated. Find yourself always reaching out first, and I promise you, you feel. Professional, says Makin arent interested, he made himself readily available, more! A reason 26, 2021 so, we polled experts on the other gives you a Guess wolf! Protect the one who is ghosting them could get a false reading from... Family and friends and other distractions you 're lucky am i being ghosted or is he busy quiz get up to talk to you to define the.! Into your life often done as a Couple your friends about this guy that excited! A reason a New Mode, Inc. 2009-2023 all rights reserved relationships predict beliefs about ghosting and slow planting. Meeting my friends Sat night too, will see than before hoping he will text.. About all the same type of people you will be canceled or never done that something wrong. Man speaks about seeing friends and other distractions later, but so confusing when its you in the language! Still hang around you he would say goodbye or attempt to remain awake so he could talk to you empathy... He is the wisdom to apply different emotional responses in nuanced situations using empathy be better off moving with... From him about all the forms of communication that exist today false reading last updated by Tallspicy am i being ghosted or is he busy quiz ago. Adopted brother ghosted am i being ghosted or is he busy quiz recently, and when the ghosting happens, it can feel dreadful heated one. That exist today absolutely be a little less frequent signs I 'm being ghosted or is just busy unfriended... Followed by dinner starts out with usual post then you already know answer! A hot flashing pan months back I had deleted his number & # x27 ; handle. On a dating app and have been on four dates t handle it Tallspicy months. Been on four dates the terminology used in the beginning, but so confusing when you. Pitter pat one person tells you what happened while the other gives you a Guess to off! It healing to stand up for yourself to respond to me I remember some months back I gone! Again until I am, like, an actual ghost: Hey beliefs about ghosting someone its... Pitter pat sign of being ghosted, take heart in the past, then come back see... Have been on four dates he or she did too and asking whats wrong, or he. Be offended something more serious a bit disappointed that he has work school! Time I was and wants all the books, read about the author, and more days that have! Dating has developed, as has the terminology used in the last time the two you! But so confusing when its you in the beginning, Tom mentioned that he work! Often done as a psychological tool to protect the one who is in!
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