I saved them onto my Google backup account and was able to delete them off of my phone so he couldnt see them. Come to find out that he hasnt changed not was it a mistake. It has been 9 months. Then he moved in as a flatmate and we were good friends (so I thought). And I think you are rightI think it would be great to collect letters like these, point out the red flags in them and publish them for others. He doesnt work their anymore but I know that number well since he use to phone me from work. My ex was a fullfledged NARC to the tee. I remain perpetually on the fence about him! Inside me I was slowly starting to come to terms with things and slowly starting to make attempts to fly again I am feeling stronger inside me after this period of no contact I am also honest and open about what happened and why I am not flying so I dont keep quiet about this but equally I dont make a point about talking about it with everyone around as that in itself was reflecting badly on me. He then sulked and went silent and told me I was making a big mistake. Be safe and contact a Domestic Violence Shelter too, worst thing is when they know youre going to leave they act all nice loving even apologizing again. But his behavior was escalating and I was then suspicious of it, this is when affair was discovered. I fell for it every time due to my ignorance on this subject. So, as far as theyre concerned, the more supply they get, the better the relationship. I have had no one he was my mom dad bestfriend uncle grandparent I never had. Any advice would help. My narc actually made up a lot and told everyone I was cheating on him.. Come to find out that his wife found out about us and told him she was done lol lol lol!! Next day he calls at 6:50 am and woke me up, didnt even look I answered. Margo. - Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, How Can I Be Sure Hes a Narcissist? I have an IQ of 150, have never done drugs in my life (not even pot) and do not have any mental disorders. As a side note, I had a little sexcapade a few days before with a friend, who left a passion mark on my neck and one right where the blouse crisscrossed on my chest that I didnt bother to try to hide. Yes ! 3. So why the happy birthday text, then now when he saw me looking sexy, he has no communication? After the narcissist has used all their weapons of mass destruction and nothing seems to work, theyll resort to emotional blackmail. At least I hope! They behave in disordered ways because they are disordered and much of that is a choice. To call me when i am with my very sick mother and only shouting how many problems HE has so that all the attention and talk about HIM. I was very tough with him in order to make him understand that he shouldnt be messing with my head or heart. I broke up with him and cut off contact, but got back in touch with him I said it was to see if we could be friends but really it was because not talking to him was absolutely agonising. When we finally talked I explained to him the reasons I couldnt talk to him and he actually understood although he initially fought the NPD diagnosis. The best place for us to start is to begin examining why we began to minimize the abuse and accept being mistreated. That he didnt mean to hurt me, never wants to see me hurt..but no apology. I thought I lost a gold ring until seven months after discovering in a shop display for sale. Stay in controle. Sumhow he came driving by my new apartment as I was getting out of my pickup after work. And if you do let them back into your life, you can be sure that they will do the same thing to you again but make it even worse for you the second time around. I new no one in dayton new to the area married for twenty eight years grievieng hard . As soon as you know what they are, they disappear because they know you cant be duped any longer by him. Theyll use this opportunity to butter you up and tell you how awesome you are, that theyre still in love with you, and if you cant be lovers, theyll settle for just friends. No one will really understand why I leave but it no longer matters to me what others think, they have not lived in the cloaked hell that has been a 20 year prison. I am moving on. Reading Suggestion: The Narcissist Discard phase. And once I realised this was how my ex-friend loved me (oh they told me they did things for me out of love like telling me they had thought about getting me a present, but not actually getting it, not that it would have mattered because gifts are not my language i.e. The judge gave us a court date for a couple of weeks (figure that one out?!!) I have not reached out since April 1st btw. He says I put him down and I dont trust him. It pissed him off enough to remove me from his list of contacts (I then blocked him completely so that he could no longer look me up). The list goes on. Its true, this kind of abuse does indeed cause very real physical symptoms. If you have a domestic violence center, contact them and let them know youre being emotionally abused and manipulated and see if they can open a case for you based on the details of your situation. But one night in the three mounths and rest of the time deal with his Narcism. Even as a friend, theyll play the same games they played when you were in a relationship such as revenge, playing the victim, triangulation, and gaslighting. (And then he tried to white wash it with notes in the margins Just kidding Again a jest and O.K. So you can expect your ex to start sending you steamy text messages to remind you of how good the sex used to be. I hope its the latter for you! She broke up with him after 5 months. He just was gone at a time i was in Holland with my mom she has cancer. You pre-emp. We do that because we are looking for closure and validation. Its only for a few months, a few, LONG months of sheer hell! He has that spiritual persona and everyone thinks he is so wise and enlightened. He put me to the test and I never heard from him again for seven years.. until last week! If you have issues with this image being used, you should contact them. I thought it was good to have him as a friend because i have no friends here. Type 2: they manipulate knowingly and enjoy it. So, he appears to be letting go, for now, but leaving the door open to communication. And there is a scared inmature little person who is scared of live and everything in it. This is 100% the TRUE WORDS OF A NARCISSISTI just left mine the 9th of july this yearit was a NIGHTMAREtotal Dr. Jekyll Mr.Hyde personality. But yet i do. 3 weeks later she called to drop off the key to my house and let me know shed met someone on a dating site. -Kristen. New friends, starting a new lifefinding the old me again and feeling great. 4. D and coping with leaving a sociopath husband. The relationship with the Narc causes a biochemical addiction, in addition to the brainwashing of our psyche. In my case, I realized I needed to put an end to the relationship a lot sooner than I did. One of their manipulative tactics is to cut you down and then say they were just kidding. I have nothing to offer. What is worse, however, when dealing with narcissists, is feeling the effect of their lack of empathy and cruelty. You have to find a way to get your own closure. For example, lets say that you were to use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend for 30 days. Gosh, I dont know. I have gone No Contact with her now for a few months but its still very hard. Actually THE NEXT DAY (imagine what he felt), and the community too. Victims often believe that when the narcissist comes back after months, its because theyre in love. He has tried everything to stop my return. I listen I watch but I just see his weakness and, regardless of this, his attempt to appear respectable. The last contact i had was from my side. I keep going back and forth and only keep hurting myself over and over. If you observe that he is getting physically violent with you, contact the police. Now, where I once remained madly in love with my abuser, I see him for the weak person that he really is. I was taking the blme for things i never did .I loved quan deep down in my heart . If a letter comes, dont open it, burn it. Like really? Deep down, theyre terribly insecure and the bravado they exhibit is nothing but a mask to cover up how they really feel. So even when they have taken literally everything else from us, we still have the ability to Love. They avoid spending time with you, especially in public. For example, perhaps they really arent interacting with a particular ex at a particular time. Plus, there is a disorder, that manifests as BPD psychopathy, but is not. Then new girl says I dont know him, he is happy now and she thinks she knows him better after 3 months than i did for 20 years. Now that was somethingIf I ever had doubts about him, I dont have them anymore. Ill have to look into. My siblings, the golden child and enabler. She cant hold down a job event though she is amazing at what she does and always gets great pay but has never once saved any. Its one big mind game. He has multiple relationships and always has drama. Can anyone give me some answers as to why he is so interested in contact if he is so happy and moved on. BPD type 2 is the only one that may come without psychopathy However, if you decide to apply to your situation, please, please, dont just assume. You mentioned a narcissist long lists of supply and he has that. And he is happy to get rid of me. Still a little shaky The long talks we had and the support he gave me even though he did that to make himself feel good, really helped me at a time when I was at my lowest. Like its been said before in cases like mine, wouldnt of stayed this long if it had been overtly abusive but there was a fair amount of good and before my discovery he could fool me with his emotions which seemed real. I felt good that they had my unconditional love, but they dont care they dont truly love you back, they just love the fact we fell for it, to use us in every way they can. This is a very ego materislistic sexual man who is willing to lose it all. Narcs are about as predictable as flies on dog poo. A narcissist will never allow you to escape, let alone figure them out. . I also exhibited behaviour traits that were not characteristic of the disorder, such a desire to work in teams, great empathy for family and friends, no silent treatment, no punishments, forgave others, did not want to harm people and other animals, and I am shared resources. I sure did And until I met him I didnt know what a narcissist was so I had no reference. That would suck. So, if he dont like it and cant wait until I decide when I want to sit the boxes outside my door, he can call the sherriff and he can come by my house and Ill be happy to turn them ovr to him but my ex is not running anything here anymore. He said he was enlightened by some of my comments (I told him he was turning into a dirty old man, a pervert-he didnt like that mirror at all) and still loved me wants to stay together. The question is whether your ex-partner will treat you any differently now that youre no longer together. Your ex does not have any kind of emotional attachment to you. How we can see something or someone so clearly and yet we choose to be blind to the truth at the same time. NO ONE he knows has seen me, I dont go places I know he goes to, I avoid certain roads at certain times of the day, etc. He sounds like he could be a Narc however, now that Ive been in a relationship with one, I sometimes feel a little paranoid when I meet a new guy. They always come back wanting to reconnect. He obviously couldnt stand being called out on his behavior. Friend tells me there was a few of ex narcs buddies that saw him with my car; in fact, friend knows some of the same people but ex didnt know this was my friend. This is the same selfish shite who left me in debt with unpaid bills, and in the time that he had stayed in my house he had bought two investment properties and of course he also left me his cat. That did the trick with my ex. A checklist of narcissistic douche-canoe behaviors | Process of Elimination. This website was how do you say it? Relationships with narcissists have a cycle to them that plays out again and again. Reclaim your inner power, disarm the narcissist, and finally stay congruent with your wish for a healed life! He became sexually abusive. Also, watch his videos (sorry cannot provide the links, but youll find them). I thought he would leave me alone now, but no, it is almost worse. Then, if he does come back aroun. I have gone through the shock, the anger, the grief, the self blame and have learned so much about myself..my strength and resilience, and ability to love. They may initiate contact again with that person, almost as if no time has passed. They live across each other. It got that bad . She wants to be my friend because of how she thinks my presence serves as one of her ideal actors in the movie that is her life. Climbed the mountain I, now, can just walk towards the light. But still nobody knows the interaction and humor and interesse that we have. Angry ones.Why he does those things. it makes me sad.. i pitty him but he can use this agains me when the monster comes back. But basically Ive finally realize the only way for me to grow and live is to leave him. I am so angry with him but dissapointed in myself! Thank you. I literally have no idea. When you go into No Contact mode, you are shifting the power to yourself, and the narcissist loses their sanity because theyve lost not only their God-like power, but also their emotional punching bag. The answer to that question is EVERYTHING! After years of abuse, they realized they were in a destructive relationship and harmed them, so they left. Ive been discarded like a McDonalds wrapper. Allow me to share the Narcissists perspective on the topic of love, written by John Howell: When I say Im in love with you, I mean I love the way I feel when Im with you. He is over committef financially, yet says him and the new girl are thinking of renting a house together. I would say the attention and looks were the main thing that drew me in, but really it was a very similar sense of humor and articulate manner of speaking. 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